Without any direct influence, I've found rage to be a common theme this week. Despite the awesome weather and the general feelings of enjoyment they give birth to, I've heard a volume of rage that insists on not being ignored.
Not just me, but many seem to be fighting mortal battles with their realities. She shouldn't have left me. He shouldn't have left me. We could have worked. I didn't know better. I thought it would be different. I wanted to make things better. We never thought it would be like this. That fucking bitch. That dirty bastard. Why are things this way? What should I have done differently?
And so on. I don't have answers. All I have are best guesses, and I'm discovering that they are not even that good. I don't know why you had to leave. I don't know why I'm such an asshole. I don't know why these difficulties all happened simultaneously. I dont know what do to. I don't know how to fix it. I only hope that things will find their own way to redemption or reparation or neutrality on their own.
Perhaps in the end I am only a chintzy salesman for hope, and not the prophet I wish to be.
I've gotten in the habit of always cut-n-pasting my stuff before I send it into the internet sock drawer, that way I still have it if the post doesnt show up on refresh.
Oh yah, and I always refresh to see if it's there.
Posted by: Matt at June 29, 2003 12:13 PMStupid comment thing. It erased my comments from 4am. I think I said some stupid buffy line and some nonsense about bourbon over sake.
Damn it all to hell.