The Open Matt Project

Sympathy

sym·pa·thy

sym·pa·thy [símpethee]
(plural sym·pa·thies)
n

1. capacity to share feelings: the ability to enter into, understand, or share somebody else’s feelings

2. feelings caused by sympathy: the feelings of somebody who enters into or shares another’s feelings

3. sorrow for another’s pain: the feeling or expression of pity or sorrow for the pain or distress of somebody else
We extended our sympathies to the widow.

4. inclination to feel alike: the inclination to think or feel the same as somebody else

5. agreement: agreement or harmony with something or somebody else

6. allegiance or loyalty: allegiance or loyalty to a group or cause (often used in the plural)
nationalist sympathies

[Late 16th century. Via Latin from Greek sumpatheia , from sumpathēs , literally “feeling with,” from pathos “feeling” (source of English pathetic and pathology).]

It might be a side-effect of being as empathic as I am that I find myself disturbed by the lack of sympathy around me. It's been a theme of the past few weeks that I'll express negative feelings, as in being sad or lonely or whatever, and I get blame, recrimination, and apathy. Is there something so difficult about simply saying, "Wow, I'm sorry you're feeling so crappy. I hope things get better soon."? Is it really that hard to see someone feeling bad and sympathize?

Have I surrounded myself with people who are more aggressively proactive than emotionally sensitive? I certainly prefer people who have a fat kid on the logic side of the emotional see-saw. Maybe I shouldn't expect so much from them. Perhaps in this aspect I have chosen my associates unwisely.

Maybe I'm just whiney. Maybe I've become so emotionally sensitive that it's simply beyond the normal range of sympathetic possibilities to join me here. Maybe I haven't had enough practice yet in sharing my feelings with people.

I don't think so. I think there is an expectation of exceptional emotional resilience bordering on stoicism from me. I could see that. I've been very good at tai-ching my way around emotional confrontation. Or maybe I haven't been as good I thought I was. Maybe I've been like that Star Wars Kid, thinking of myself as talented and powerful when the reality was only so much fodder for good-natured ridicule.

I have said over and over that I need people to listen to me, or care for me, or to merely express their sympathies. Not constantly, or even with any frequency, but merely when appropriate. Sadly, I've found that no moment is appropriate as far as everyone is concerned.

Even this post, should it get any comments, will be seen as a big bulls-eye for my intimates to lambast me for my flaws and/or offer advice on how to fix it. The past two random comments from people I dont know were both more sympathetic than anyone I've spoken with in the past couple of months (excepting Ian). I only seem to get sympathy from people who don't know me.

Today is just sucking hard.

Posted by Matt at September 19, 2003 03:49 PM