"Nothing in the world is the way it ought to be, Connor. It's harsh, and cruel. But that's why there's us. Champions. It doesn't matter where we come from, what we've done or suffered, or even if we make a difference. We live as though the world was what it should be, to show it what it can be."
- Angel
Masochist. Fool. Romantic. Sucker. I've been called a lot of things, and for a long time I've felt they were pretty accurate. I do choose to do things that I know will hurt me. I do trust people who can easily betray me. I hold on to love and believe that it is forever. I know the risks, and I take the chances, and I pay the prices.
It's my money that I worked for that I loan or give away. If that is percieved as my not valuing money, and fosters an environment where people feel they can simply take it from me, that is not my failing.
It's my emotional investment. I choose to care about others. I want to feel their sadness and their joy. I enjoy sympathy. If that type of connection is not returned, or worse, used against me, that is not my failing.
It's my belief system that I'm not just displaying, but opening up to the public for modification. I read periodicals that I don't agree with. I listen to people who don't agree with me. I not only want that conflict - I require it. I can't fully support a system that I haven't already argued against to the best of my ability. If that is seen as a weakness, an opportunity to exploit a seemingly undefended perspective, that is not my failing.
I am not unaware of the risks. Quite the contrary, I am acutely focused on them. I simply refuse to let them stop me. Were I to stop, what would be left? No trust. No compassion. No openness. No love? No thanks.
In the movie The Mission one of the characters is faced with a decision that will result in tremendous suffering and death regardless of which way he decides. His aide asks, "what will you do?" and he replies, "as my conscience dictates... what else?"
Exactly.
Posted by Matt at November 24, 2003 12:02 PM