As I begin to write this, its 4:20 AM. If I smoked weed, now would be the perfect time to partake. If I still smoked cigarettes (when not drinking) I would find that to be an adequate substitution. As it stands, I'm merely trying to knock out some of what has been buzzing around in my noggin for the past week or so before I reach that magic 5 o'clock marker.
Thanksgiving was good. Really good. My plan was to simply cook dinner for myself, at home, and enjoy it. Alone. At home. By myself. I had a kind of old man winter theme going on in my head, and I was really warm and happy with it. Well, turned out that it was excellent to have Travis there. He was a huge help with just about everything - excepting the eating part. So it goes.
Cody also stopped by. She'd formed something of an attachment to Travis (that's a whole post unto itself) and although I was worried about the two of them glomming onto each other and thereby intruding on my home alone meal, it turned out to be just fine. I got a chance to level with her about how I was still unsure about our relationship post-Liz-betrayal. It worked out fine.
After we'd squared away the drama, I proposed the idea that we be boyfriend/girlfriend for a while. We took turns laying out our specific requirements for each other. I didn't require sex, but I did require sleeping over. I didn't need exclusivity, but I did require enough attention that I would at least feel like El Primero. She brought up her once-a-month mood stuff and I laughed. Her demands for sex were certainly above and beyond my general capacity to deliver, but I was willing to give it my best shot. Why not?
But as quickly as we squared the deal, it was forgotten. I felt a little foolish for letting a game like that persuade me into lending it actual credence. But, then, I wanted to believe - and more and more I see the residual effects of faiths ebb and flow on my behavior. I wanted it, reached for it, it retreated, I hurt and then forgot it.
It's 5 o'clock now. AM.
Posted by Matt at December 8, 2003 04:53 AM