The Open Matt Project

New Years High-Res

I've never been a gambling man. My dad tried to impress the losing nature of gambling on me during a trip to Las Vegas when I was very young. I suppose I was around the 10 range back then, which makes me wonder how I was allowed to play the slots at all - but times were different back then so go figure. He gave me 2 dollars and let me play the slots. When I was done feeding the money into the one-armed-bandits (a moniker that should tell you everything you need to know), I ended up with 70 cents and I reported back to my dad, with a big smile, "I won 70 cents!"

So much for the lesson.

It would be many years later that I would acquire my true distaste for gambling. So much of my life has been unpredictable and unstable that I've naturally tended towards minimizing that element as much as possible. One of the easiest things to eliminate was formal gambling games. I just never saw the point in taking money I had right here in my hand, and giving it away for something as intangible as "a chance." A chance? Uh, I've been getting "special treatment" from lady luck for as long as I remember. I think I'll just keep my money.

Being separate from the gambling frame of mind also allowed me to see the point my father was trying to make all those years ago. If you watch any set of gamblers for any period of time there is an unavoidable trend that is built into the system they are playing under. The trend is summarized under the undisputed title, "The house always wins." So let me get this straight, you're saying I can pay money to play a game wherein it's a given that my opponent always wins?

Thanks, but no thanks - I think I'll let my misfortune come to me.

Now we find ourselves at the ultimate in gambling holidays; New Years Eve. Nothing draws out the giddy, gaudy exuberance of Las Vegas glitz and spreads it more generously than this alcoholic orgasm of hope and cheer. Celebrants break out the bubbly, kiss randoms around them, and welcome each other into another year of life. It doesn't matter if this year has been like a sentence in a Singaporean prison, or if it's been the best year of your life. The point is that it's over, you made it, and brace yourself 'cause here comes another one.

The big hope is that regardless of how the previous year treated you, the following one is going to be better. The little assumed party favors of New Years Eve include: appreciating that you're still alive despite all your efforts, a refreshing feeling of renewal, a powerdrink's worth of hope, and if you possess even a modicum of ambition - all the alcohol you can drink.

Happy New Year indeed!

But despite that seeming to be enough, at least by my accounting, to make for a successful evening, we find ourself inexorably drawn towards that personal craps table affectionately referred to as "My New Years Resolutions." Here is a wonderful, seemingly unavoidable, game we play whereby the stakes are our confidence and self-image, and the odds of success are unavoidably no different than they are on the other, notably more sober, 364 days of the year.

I will quit smoking. I will actually use the gym membership I've had for 4 years and counting. I will listen more to my partner. The hits just keep on coming, and I get to hear about them for a good week before and after New Years. But, like Christmas in Russia, the anticipation and hope poured into this endeavor are in the final analysis, matched only by the vacuum-packed disappointment that follows. A rare few succeed, the rest take their lumps and console themselves with the ironic hope of "next year."

As usual, the house always wins and for my money, I'll steer clear of the whole thing. No New Years resolutions for me - and pass the champagne!

* One caveat: The zen buddhists, those holistic assholes who use their metaphysical 'get out of reality free' cards to acquire low paying staff positions at life's Bellagio, don't count. They can feel free to 'let go' of this entire post. And I hope their year fucking sucks.

Posted by Matt at December 31, 2003 04:10 PM