A friend invited me out for drinks last Saturday, with the lure of there being 'girls from New York' there to meet. "Hanging out with girls is fun," he said. Although this is true, I went out not because of that prospect, but because it is near canon for me to always accept any invitation. Accepting invitations is what greases the areas between social circles.
So I peeled myself out of my chair, poked at my face in the mirror for a bit, threw on my going-out ensemble and pushed myself out the door. Almost immediately I became aware of being in public. It was a psychic nudity feeling, wherein merely being aware of others highlighted their being aware of me. This happens if you spend too much time indoors, alone.
Shaking it off, I continued on my walk to Henry's, a local hotel/bar that I've only known as 'the place where that crazy guy shot the blonde girls'. That happened before I moved out here, so I know it as just another place for dumb, white undergrads to hang out at. Kinda like TGIF's except without the dizzying red and white striped outfits. Not my spot, but rules are rules and I was invited.
Midway through Berkeley campus I started to think about the dichotomy I have between my behavior and expectations indoors, and the same such outdoors. Why am I known for being gregarious and extroverted in one, and aloof in the other?
I am privately public, and publicly anonymous. I want to know everyone at a party or gathering and I want everyone to know me - and secretly, I want everyone to know everyone else through me. But when outside, in public, I basically want to be left alone; The slightest intrusion into my personal space, mental, physical, or social is thoroughly unwelcome.
For private interactions, I routinely butcher politeness and decorum to make way for provocative, outrageous, and frequently abrasive behavior. I'm a buffoon, a rake, a bombastic palaverer and a shameless philanderer.
In public, I'm my father. I'm serious, stern, interested without being invested, unafraid but only mildly ambitious, comfortable, and most importantly minding my own business. I even walk like him, barring a near-imperceptable limp from my various injuries.
There are exceptions, of course, being me is never simple, but they are rare and involve merely swapping attitudes from one spot to the other. At formal functions, I am private as I am in public. When drunk, I am in public as I am in private. No change in this is expected anytime soon.
I call bullshit on calling bullshit or something.
The sad thing is that none of you realize how much I did with -other- people. It's a pretty self-centered view that because I only went to a few functions of yours that I didn't go anywhere else.
Also, having a car makes it a lot easier to go places - I don't see any of you taking public transportation or walking, so your views are neccessarily less impactful.
Posted by: Matt at January 27, 2004 07:50 PMi would call more bullshit, but it woudl seem like your ex girlfriends are attacking you and that is not what I am going for. You never wanted to grease my circle of friends. Nor my family. The only way I got you to meet my friends was by bringing them to Jupiter with me. You came to my birthday party on 2 years but didn't want to meet my friends, even the one who wanted to meet you.
Posted by: scratchymonkey at January 27, 2004 03:47 PMWhat's the point in greasing a circle that's already plenty greased?
I accept -new- invitations.
Posted by: Matt at January 26, 2004 09:17 PMOh wait. I think you you just made that point. Nevermind. :)
Posted by: Denali at January 26, 2004 04:03 PMI call bullshit too, if all you're talking about is agreeing to drink in North Berkeley bars. Maybe that's the "near" as in, "near by".
I guess I'll get to see what your made of soon enough.
Josh - I'm pretty convinced someone hired those drivers to murder that woman. I don't think she was hit by three random drunk drivers within the span of two minutes.
Posted by: Denali at January 26, 2004 04:01 PMHeh, Matt covering his tracks well. I remember when matt used to go out far from his house. I remember once I invited him to a party in *gasp* get this EAST OAKLAND! I don't remember how many years ago it was or really remember the part that good. The only thing I remember was Matt and Nando play fighting and Nando getting real mad read fast! LOL good times.
Posted by: d0g_p00p at January 24, 2004 04:18 PMThus the "near" in "near canon"
Posted by: Matt at January 22, 2004 01:14 PMi call bullshit! you will accept any invitation nearby your house. don't make me rattle off the invites you have turned down from me.
Posted by: scratchymonkey at January 22, 2004 02:32 AMDamn, that is some very fucked up shit there.
Posted by: Matt at January 21, 2004 07:43 PMhttp://www.salon.com/news/wire/2004/01/21/accident/index.html
imagine what awaits in NYC! I thought Bay Area drivers were bad, god damn mang!
Posted by: d0g_p00p at January 21, 2004 05:45 PM