Man is it a long story. I'm nexus-drunk, which means I've had enough to drink to be loose and emotional, but not enough to drink to really get into it.
My phone hasn't made one peep today, or tonight, and my outing with Ian has resulted in a surreal and largely unfortunate experience with a group of loud drunks. One girl we met tonight wanted to sing for me, him, oh just about everyone, and she was far to inebreated to even hum a tune, much less sing a song.
I told her so, but she didn't appreciate my honesty and wanted to get even more drunk (as if that were possible) and wandered off with some random guy.
I got spontaneously kissed by Lexi tonight. I've known her for years and years and I can assure you that I had exactly zero expectation of that happening - ever - but there it was, shortly before she left. Hell, I haven't even seen her for years!
When Ian and I left the bar, on the way home a few idiots essentially called us homosexuals, and I spent the entire walk home thinking of witty comebacks - and being fully aware of wasting my time doing so. I always think in moments like that, that I'm being the smart one for walking off without getting into some trouble that won't do anyone any good. Part of me will always feel like a sissy for not punching people like that in the mouth. I had been witty and fun all night, why not then? Feh. I guess it's still bothering me.
At any rate, I'm taking down the last of my Bud Light and eyeballing my bed. I'm lonely, and even though I know it's just a temporary condition of my current state, I wish someone were here to hold me, or let me hold them.
Posted by Matt at July 9, 2004 02:14 AMWhere the fuck are you Denali?
Posted by: d0g_p00p at July 14, 2004 06:56 PMi fell into bed, drunk and lonely, and early
i could have gotten it if i wanted it, i suppose, but then there's the awkwardness of mornings
Sounds like we have a tie. My evening:
1.)I went to the school graduation for all the Americans. Joma showed up. I avoided him until the last minute. We agreed to met with a bunch of people at *the bar* in Cuernavaca at 8:30pm.
2.) Ben, the sweet surfer guy I met last night who was "so happy to meet me!" and kept hugging me for hours (I havenīt been hugged in what seems like 10 years) tells me at the graduation: "Yeah - letīs hang out, just give me a call." With a nervous voice and eyes that wont make contact. Last night he made me promise I would come over to his house and teach him to salsa tonight. Apparently something happened, I doubt I will ever know, but itīs strange to be blown off so damn quickly. Marvin tells me: heīs not going to be home to recieve the call, honey.
3.) Marvin says I can come with him to the house and then we will go to *the bar*, but it might be a little awkward because heīs meeting 3 hot Mexican chics and he was suppose to bring American boys for them. God, I am unwanted.
4.) We get to *the bar*. Marvinīs girlfriends arenīt there, and neither is Joma or Franco but...
5.) The old patriarch with grandchildren my age who was after me is. He is staring at me with a hurt, longing face. I leave with 2 Americans girls who think Iīm a bitch and treat me like shit.
6.) We go to the *other bar* in Cuernavaca. The waiter who I vaguely stood up (not really, I was suppose to meet him the next day at work to make plans for the day after and I didnīt) the other day after drunkenly making plans with him after I knew he had a girlfriend is working. I walk quicky past and duck into the internet-bar Iīve discovered. And here I sit. Unwanted and unwanting. Avoided and avoiding. What a clusterfuck of confused needs, unrelieved tension and stupiud misunderstanding. At least I can reply on one and a half friends - the internet and beer.