Where tragedy or tremendous truth is involved, blindness is one of the consistant themes of human mythology. Seers are invariably blind. Seekers who are too successful lose their human sight in trade for the superhuman sight they gain. Justice is blind. Truth is blinding. Socratic text describes this process with the cave and shadows parable, where the average person percieves nothing but shadows of the true world, the 'socratic ideal' being too perfect for one to see due to its blinding perfection. Even pop culture managed to illustrate this phenominon in Raiders of the Lost Ark, where merely to see what the Ark of the Covenant held within brought death.
In my teen years, I found the relentless assault of ignorance unbearable and sought a relief in the form of mind-expanding drugs and terrible but awesome surrender to whatever truth might be revealed by simply subduing whatever boundaries I found internally. I saw things then that I could not imagine, I could not predict, I hadn't the capacity or experience to understand, and ultimately showed me the frontiers of my perception.
Had I known it was a one-way trip, no pun intended, I am confidant I never would have begun exploring in the first place. It turned out to be a ratcheting process of sick-making depth, a bathysphere within which one deposited a soul and slashed the mooring cables. I saw, and the more I saw, the more I wanted to see. The answer to why turned out to be 'because'. If you think you understand that much, you do not understand what I'm attempting to convey. Not that it's your fault, it's not, but the search for truth reaches a point of no return with a celerity that posesses only one practical characteristic, that being an unavoidable and unstoppable momentum towards its goal.
What was at first an exhilirating adventure of self-exploration rapidly became a forced march towards
I'm too drunk to continue. Too drunk and too frightened. I don't want to see any more. I will continue to see, but I am well past the point of wanting it anymore. This degree of sight is worse than blindness.
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