The Open Matt Project

How 2

The request:
"how to meet a nice boy and disrobe him without him finding out that i'm not a nice girl."

If you're not interested in my blather, skip to the bottom.

There are three separate issues here. The first is how to discern whether or not the "nice boy" is actually nice (and not get too gummed up in the process of defining what "nice" actually means.) The second is similar to the first, except it involves exploring ones own sense of identity (internal scrutiny) instead of someone else's (external observation). The third is simultaneously the easiest and most difficult - how to lie.

Since the dictionary provides a surprising 7 definitions of what 'nice' means, let's just say that within the context of the question it means pleasant to be around, and utterly lacking in selfish or cruel intent. In a way similar to pornography, the definition of 'nice' is less important than the clarity we share in being able to identify it when we see it.

Nice guys generally think of other people as at least as important as themselves, with frequent bursts of generosity and sacrifice. They are the ones that don't forget birthdays, hold doors, listen to what you're saying, and behave in a way that conveys their interest in creating pleasure and avoiding pain. Everyone knows at least one of these people, and if they can avoid being stone cold boring, they're good friends to have.

It's impossible to write about nice guys without mentioning the hackneyed aphorism, "nice guys finish last." This is usually because they are dull as dishwater due almost entirely to their inability to excite sexually, romantically, or otherwise as a direct result of their persistant avoidance of bad behavior. Ugly as it may be, the appreciation of pleasure requires some occasion of pain. As harm is often beyond the nice guy's ability, they unwittingly pass the baton of love to those who are often happy to bludgeon their mates with it.

To personalize, if you're asking the question you're asking, you already know all about these fellows.

Next, how to identify ones own self worth in order to contextualize the notion of being "not a nice girl." HA! If only it were that simple. Ultimately, this is something that will require some soul searching to understand sufficiently. I would urge anyone who truly felt they were not a nice person to pay heed to the unpleasant sensation that goes along with that perspective. It's the sound of the nice you knocking, and she is profoundly persistant.

Lastly, I cannot assist where lying is concerned. I've never been a good liar and gave it up relatively early in life as an insurmountable enterprise. It is easier and far more beneficial to embrace the truth than it is to fight it, both in the long and the short term. In my experience there is exactly as much fantasy in the truth as there is reality, so don't worry yourself overly with fears of being confined to the rigors of veracity. The honest life is no less filled with pain and difficulty, but it tends to leave less blood in it's wake.

Ignoring all that:
Simply be quiet, stay clean, show interest and a touch of weakness, and do not touch the boy as much as possible. Nice boys are often lonely as hell (see above) and are helpless in the face of even the most flimsy seduction.

Posted by Matt at April 27, 2005 10:56 AM