The Open Matt Project

I find it kinda funny,

I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad
the dreams in which I'm dying
are the best I've ever had

I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
when people run in circles
it's a very very

mad world

I am too drunk to

I am too drunk to figure out the stupid picture format. fuck it.

Okay. another night out. I

Okay. another night out. I was fucking exhausted from work - busy as hell day. I hit Jupiter at about 7:30 PM, and met up with Mel. I was beat. There is no hiding or disguising that. I was just kickin' it with him for hours until we noticed that there was a table full of girls two tables down.

I have to admit, I'm not the man I used to be. I just have little to no interest in just flirting anymore. I'm so fatigued by the whole notion that I just get tired even thinking about it. So I sat. I really just felt like I should go home. Instead I ordered more beers - tonight was a guiness night. I wished Andrew was there so at least I would have someone there who understood what I was feeling.

Later in the night, I saw these girls come in. One of them was just flatly stunning. I was instantly taken. She was an esoteric exotica of flavors arousing and exciting.

I'm listening to Tears for Fears "Head over heels" and it's too ironic to not mention. Virginia. That's her name. I made the neccessary collosal effort required to remember her name. It's still worth it - as it will be for some time to come. It was such a thrill to spend the short time I did with her. She gave me her phone number, and I'll call it with the requisite understanding that it will probably result in an answering machine or a chinese food restaurant. So it goes. I wish I had my camera with me, so at least I'd still have a picture of her.

Another girl I had seen before was also there. I had taken a bunch of pictures of her before - and never posted them. I'm going to try to put up a couple here and see if there is any shrieking about how I should have put up more. Her name was tracy or trisha or something.

WHACKED

WHACKED

From my Match.com Profile: describing

From my Match.com Profile:

describing myself
It is not possible to describe myself in "Minimum 100 characters, maximum 2,000 characters." That said, here's my stab at it: I like anything that doesn't have good odds on killing me. I like meeting people I don't know. I like getting into casual arguments. I like sushi. I like arranging parties. I like alien-blastin' explosion-filled movies just as much as I like foreign films. I like sharing. I like breaking rules as much as I like making them. I like dancing in the dark and having sex with the lights on. I like quests. I like arguing that Bush is a good president today, and that he's a moron tommorow. I like nature, so long as I dont have to live in it. I like spicy food and anything cooked over fire. I hate ocra.

descriving my ideal match
She thinks I'm the best thing since pop rocks. um. That's it. Oh wait. I need to have more characters. So anyways I was at Safeway the other day and I dropped my keys. Boy am I a klutz sometimes.

It's a quiet night. A

It's a quiet night. A fitting ending to the quiet weekend. Not much in the way of highlights. I went out Saturday night thinking there would be some action. Wrongo. It was dead as hell and way too cold to mess around outside. I went home and hung out with Fred and Jim, drinking redbull and gin. I think there was some sort of theological discussion going on when I hit the ground.

I woke up with a blanket on me, my shoes off, and a pillow under my head. Say what you will about people, it's always telling to see what some people do that wouldn't even occur to others. I would have stayed right there on the floor since it was very comfortable, but I have big ass spiders in my house and one of them lives behind the TV. I've seen him stroll across the floor where I was sleeping plenty of times, so I figured it would be a good idea to get up. I shuffled/staggered over to my bed, collapsed down (glance at laptop - ok it's safe) on the mattress and got comfortable. I quickly discovered that my bed is not as comfortable as the livingroom floor. Note to self: get a new bed.

When I got tired of being a big lazybones, I got up and started my day. I went out into the sun, where another yard sale was in progress. I plopped down in a chair and settled in for the long haul - which was cut short by "Hey Matt!" And behind me is Sabrina. Stopping by Seven Thieves (the local store, "Seven Palms", you figure it out) she's rolling with her usual collection of cute friends. A little chit-chat and a blunt roll later and she's off.

I'd write about the rest of the day, but I'd be stretching things to say that anything at all happened.

Night night.

Ok, I thought it only

Ok, I thought it only happened to other people, but I guess I was Stone Cold Steve Austin wrong.

Here's a "fan letter" I recieved through the webvideo service:

One of your camera viewers would like you to get the following message:
go for it have some fun with echather kiss u hunks ppr suck echather or
get in the nud u hunks have fun

From: jasen
Email (as supplied by the viewer, TeVeo cannot guarantee it is correct):
jasen1972@yahoo.com

Apparently when I set the camera for "public" mode I had made a common mistake. This was just one of a number of mostly dull email's from people even more sad and desparate than myself. I can barely wait to get my next batch of idiocy! In all honesty, emails like this are a million times better than the usual "ENLARGE YOUR PENIS AT HOME AND MAKE MILLIONS!!!" spam emails I get. These are honest in their shameless communications fumbling. I'm checking that email account 2 or even 3 times a day now, just to see what kind of dead thoughts have sloughed off the decaying membranes of the average internet user's brain. ooh goody!

Shameless plug for aforementioned "Kat" : linuxkitty.com

Wow! Kat just called. I

Wow! Kat just called. I didn't expect that at all! Wow! That was a super pleasant surprise in a week of misery and frustration.

BLAAA - TOO MUCH WORK!

IT'S ME!!!

IT'S ME!!!

I have a crush on

I have a crush on this pretty woman from the 5th floor. I keep meeting her in the elevator (big surprise) and trying to make small talk. I keep wondering about 'dipping the pen in the company ink' and 'shitting where you eat' and 'Quizno's Mesquite Chicken Sandwich" and then finally I do nothing.

Maybe I'll ask her to lunch sometime.

When I get kicked from

When I get kicked from an IRC channel, I remember the times I was thrown into the trashcan in Junior High School, and how I felt just as much burning rage as I did self-loathing. Ahh the good old days.

Notes from the back of

Notes from the back of the "I'm glad everyone else knows this, but..." book of life:

If you take cheese, slice it up and put it in a container, splash salsa and hotsauce and chilipowder on it, microwave it, and pour it on a bowl of chips - You get nachos!
I like nachos

If you eat a big bowl of nachos at midnight, after a cigarette and a liter of ginger ale, with a stomach like mine - You get indigestion, gas, and heartburn,!
I dont like heartburn or indigestion

If you spend 60 dollars a month for a satellite TV feed, get all 7 HBO channels, and flick it on at any given time late at night - You get "Young Guns"!
I've seen it more times than my own penis, and I like it almost as much

Take it for what it's worth.

Man I feel like shit

Man I feel like shit right now. God damn back hurts like hell. I wonder if I did something worse than bruise a muscle. It's been 3 days now and it's only hurting more, not less. I'm beat, mentally and physically and boy I need a real vacation. Sun, drinks, rest. Yep.

I have placed a "comment"

I have placed a "comment" system on the posting thingy - so now anyone can just say whatever they like, anonymously or not. You don't have to put ANY information in the little thing that pops up.

Everyone knows that 1 AM

Everyone knows that 1 AM is the best possible time to enjoy a Red Bull energy drink. I need "wings" when I should already be in bed. Let's just chalk it up to excitement over the little things in life, in this case figuring out how to add thumbnailed pictures to the site. Oh yes. You can now see little tiny pictures that are fully clickable!

Now this is a party. Fuck if I remember when it was, but it was a long time ago. I remember thinking, "Wow. I'm old." and I remember thinking that I really wanted a fifth of Jack and a slow walk home. Oh, and I remember all the folks in the picture were having a blast. This was a different kind of party. Again, no idea when this was. What I do remember is this girl blew on the ever-drying cement of my cynicism regarding inter-sex relationships. Doesn't she look like she's having fun? Don't I look like I'm having fun? Well, merry christmas - we were both having fun. I showed up at Jupiter, had some drinks - bought her some drinks (50 dollars worth, as it turned out *cha-ching*) and spent a good portion of the night whooping it up with her and her friend. She said she was from England. Hey! Maybe she was.

Who knows.

What I do know is this. I couldn't find out anything about her. Yes, we talked, for hours. But somehow I couldn't get any information about her. Where she was from (apart from the country, I guess). What she liked doing. What she wanted to do. I got the largest collection of dodged questions ever. I asked for her phone number, and she gave it to me. I asked whether it was a real number - she said "maybe." I tossed the number. Late that evening I'm coming back from the bathroom and she and her friend are leaving. I'm a little surprised she didn't wait to say goodbye or anything - but not that surprised. I say "later" and she says "bye - you should call me". (say what?) I say, "What? You give me a number that may or may not even be real and won't tell me anything about yourself and now you want me to call you??" She says, "Oh, it's my real number and you should call me."

Ok. I plant a kiss right on her lips and walk away. I figure - hey! What the hell. So a few days later I give her a call - get the machine. A couple of days after that I see her friend from that night and she says I should her. Ok, I wait a couple of days, call again. Nothing. I have a party and I invite her, a few days later. Nothing. Ok. So that's it. Any fool can see she didn't want to talk to me. Anti-climactic? I guess.

But no matter how I try to be a little pissed about it, I'm actually more pissed that I don't care. It has gotten to the point where I simply expect people to treat me like that.

Ok. Fucking awesome. I just

Ok. Fucking awesome. I just had my first wireless experience. 802.11b. Nice. Sitting outside and chatting with Paul was soooo cool. I can't wait to make my first post from wireless (I'm on the home computer now.)

Ok, the time/date issue was

Ok, the time/date issue was a stupid "time zone" error. Apparently Blogger's "PST" time zone is broken. Oh well.

~45 minutes til freedom.

ha ha no pictures here

ha ha no pictures here LOSER!

I can truly not believe

I can truly not believe how amazingly pissed off I am. The day that I start worrying more about how someones feelings about how -randoms- feel about me is the same day I shoot hot, wet monkeys out of my ass. Fuck that.

"I think you should think more about how other people feel."

Get serious. I fucking dare you to find someone over 18 who spends more of their time considering (considerately) what the people around him are feeling and thinking. It's almost a mental illness for me. And to hear that from someone who's spent damn little time thinking about how -I- feel? Well pretty much fuck off and die.

ASSHOLE!

What the fuck is wrong

What the fuck is wrong with people? I can understand not appreciating what you have. I can understand wanting more than is reasonable. I can understand a whole host of basic human flaws. But what the fuck is up with the irrepressable desire people have to destroy themselves.

What the hell is up with people criticizing me? I have flaws, sure, and some of them are doozies, but I mean what the fuck? Is there too much time in the day to appreciate what you have - you need to just get in one or two jabs before the sun goes down?

You have a problem with ME? Are you fucking joking? You are the first fuck on the block to come to me when shit goes bad. You are the one who is constantly being complained about. You are the one who is fucking obsessed with yourself. And you have the fucking balls to complain about ME?

Fuck you! Get over it! Mother FUCK! FUCK!

Quick translation: I am super fucking pissed off.

just another test. Ignore at

just another test. Ignore at your own peril.

Hey hey woo woo now

Hey hey woo woo now I'm at work. I can post from here now!

wheee so much fun

wheee so much fun

Ok I'm a lazy POS.

Ok I'm a lazy POS. I'm testing out this "Blogger" software to see if I can use it. Ok, Ok, Ok, it sucks. But I'm going to fiddle around a bit. See if I can add some personality to this crap template.

pfeh.