So yesterday was the deadline for this freelance project I've been working on. I still don't have half of what I need to write it, namely, the xbox games themselves. It's bad enough to not have the things you're supposed to write about in your possession, but it's even worse when your brain decides it's going to have an off-day and shut down the creative centers.
Yes, I'm brain dead. I've gone out to get some iced coffee. Hopefully that will jump start me, but it sure doesn't feel that way. When I returned from the cafe and went to the fridge to get milk, the light in the kitchen burned out. Lights out. Literally and figuratively.
Is that you God? It's me, Margaret.
A few lifetimes ago, one of my favorite bands in the world was Alice Donut. I actually went to see them perform... twice. I think I've only been to maybe three concerts in my whole life, and the third one was a band named, I think, Insurgency, who really seemed more to me like a bunch of kids like me but a little dirtier and equipped with instruments, vocal cords, and ears to torture.
Well, they disappeared into the haze of my early twenties never to be heard from again. until today! While looking for a song I had heard on a particularly good episode of Angel, "Hey Sailor" by the Detroit Cobras, I decided to pop Alice Donut into Google and see if there was anything new.
New as in tired recollections of Alice Donut experiences past is what I expected, but new as in new album is what I got! They even have a new website with two of the new songs available for download. Shocking. Absolutely shocking!
I admit to being afraid to listen to the new songs, on account of how I don't want to tarnish my memories of that era any more than they already have been, but my fears were thankfully unwarranted. They still got it. The tracks sound like they were recorded in an empty pool with those toy microphones that broadcast to unused radio frequencies, but you can hear their talent through it.
I used to say Alice Donut was one of my favorite bands. Now I get to say they are one of my favorite bands.
Say what you will about Sundays - this one's delivered but good.
NOOOoOOOoOOoOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What a horrible disaster!!!
Finally, I feel better. It's strange how you can go for a long time without noticing or appreciating how good it feels to be well. Since I couldn't indulge in any of my typical bad habits while I was sick, I feel especially good now. No smokes, no coffee, no heavy meals, and no alcohol makes Matt a very lively guy.
I'm dreading the inevitable drift back into those things. I love them too much to let them go, but it's so nice to feel calm, together, and relaxed.
It's the random bark of laughter from outside, or the tweet of an idle bird, or the shuff sound of your clothes as you shift slightly that's life's fingers snapping.
You've worked for years for this company. You didn't just push the papers around and clock-punch, no, you really believed in it. This was the place you were going to succeed and become someone. The long hours were a side-effect, a residue left behind like darkened eyes, back pain, and routine pride-swallowing; naturally, your victory comes at no small personal cost. When you shot off your final emails and noticed that summons from the boss in your inbox, you thought about whether or not you're going to be late for happy hour. When you were asked to close the door behind you, life painted your sternum with ice-water and someone tuned down your hearing to survival range. After you got the news, it was calm. Everything was calm. Slightly hot, but calm and quiet.
How many times does she have to call? Have things really changed so much since last time you spoke? It's hard to avoid questioning why you put up with so much of her shit, especially when the boys are snickering about that last barrage of phone conversations. Yeah, I'm whipped. I should put my foot down, and don't ask me where. Christ! The phone again? This time I'll tell her what's really on my mind. Yeah, hello? Listen, Don't call me- what? Are you serious? No, wait. No. Wait. Let's talk about this, what do you mean? But I love you! Just like that? No, wait, wait, don't hang up, I love you, waitwaitwaitdon'thang...
A day starts with an alarm clock, or your lover shifting in bed, or the segue from a dream to the orange-pink dawn of sunlight through closed eyes. Maybe a stretch, a scratch, an explosion of identifications as your eyes open come before your first thought shows up for duty and starts the chain reaction of waking life. You've got to get your coffee. Did I wash my black socks, so I can put together that stylish ensemble, or am I going jeans again today? I hope James can make it to that meeting tonight. Those tickets cost a lot, considering how I'm trying to save money this week so I can get that Valentine's day gift - she's such a special girl. Oop! No time for that now, they close soon!
What is it about the symphony of life that it's instruments can't be discerned without discord?
When you scour your heart looking for the roots of your love for that One, why do you find the source of their magic in the tiniest mundane details?
Why does taking action tear your life out of fear's perennial grasp, which draws your attention in perpetuity, only to hand it over to the sublime pleasure of daily existence, which you hardly notice?
How can your whole life flash before your eyes in an instant - but only just before you die?
It's the pat of water leaking in the sink, or the echoing horn of a distant train, or a breath of wind through rustling trees that's life's fingers snapping you awake. Can you hear it?
I've been sick with my yearly run of tonsillitis, so I'm not up to writing much. However:
I guess I'm grey.
Some interesting links:
The Campaign Desk - Critique and analysis of 2004 campaign coverage from Columbia Journalism Review
FactCheck.org - Annenberg Political Fact Check
These are for anyone, regardless of political affiliation or utter disregard for such.
From my Comments:
"There's a good article in The New Yorker this week about the neo-conservative's view / argument for US imperialism. Also explains why it hasn't worked out as much as they'd hoped - namely the state's power is supposed to be *checked* by the populus in order to give it credibility and keep it from sinking into the inevitable darkness of tyranny. (The state being the United States of the World.) Funny, how groups of wise men always seem to think that they will be the exception to this rule... but human beings instincts haven't dulled over yet. The voters can still smell."
Assuming the article mentioned is 100% correct, "hasn't worked out as much as they hoped" is significantly better than the alternative: 9/11 II. Like I've said before, Al-Qaida didn't start attacking us on 9/11 - they stopped.
8 years of Clinton (and frankly I'm not sure if he would have had much choice due to the unpopular nature of war in general) demonstrated a reluctance to defend ourselves, culminating in the 9/11 attacks. It took thousands of dead Americans and assaults on our core institutions on our own soil to wake up enough people to the fact that there was a real danger.
No matter how much the Liberati want to paint this war as an "imperial march" (you should look up imperialism, btw), the fact remains that enough of our country wanted to go to war to defend ourselves from a clear, present, and growing danger. As a result, Al-Qaida's on the run, with their members being captured or killed. At long last, Iraq has been liberated from Saddam Hussein's regime, if not yet from their own limitations. The disasterous option of containment, the popular alternative to this war one hears about constantly, has finally been retired.
I am still waiting to hear proposals for what should be done, and then responses to the evidence for those proposals not working before. It's easy to criticize, it's hard to create.
Of course things aren't working out as well as planned - but is inaction a superior alternative?
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