The request:
"how to meet a nice boy and disrobe him without him finding out that i'm not a nice girl."
If you're not interested in my blather, skip to the bottom.
There are three separate issues here. The first is how to discern whether or not the "nice boy" is actually nice (and not get too gummed up in the process of defining what "nice" actually means.) The second is similar to the first, except it involves exploring ones own sense of identity (internal scrutiny) instead of someone else's (external observation). The third is simultaneously the easiest and most difficult - how to lie.
Since the dictionary provides a surprising 7 definitions of what 'nice' means, let's just say that within the context of the question it means pleasant to be around, and utterly lacking in selfish or cruel intent. In a way similar to pornography, the definition of 'nice' is less important than the clarity we share in being able to identify it when we see it.
Nice guys generally think of other people as at least as important as themselves, with frequent bursts of generosity and sacrifice. They are the ones that don't forget birthdays, hold doors, listen to what you're saying, and behave in a way that conveys their interest in creating pleasure and avoiding pain. Everyone knows at least one of these people, and if they can avoid being stone cold boring, they're good friends to have.
It's impossible to write about nice guys without mentioning the hackneyed aphorism, "nice guys finish last." This is usually because they are dull as dishwater due almost entirely to their inability to excite sexually, romantically, or otherwise as a direct result of their persistant avoidance of bad behavior. Ugly as it may be, the appreciation of pleasure requires some occasion of pain. As harm is often beyond the nice guy's ability, they unwittingly pass the baton of love to those who are often happy to bludgeon their mates with it.
To personalize, if you're asking the question you're asking, you already know all about these fellows.
Next, how to identify ones own self worth in order to contextualize the notion of being "not a nice girl." HA! If only it were that simple. Ultimately, this is something that will require some soul searching to understand sufficiently. I would urge anyone who truly felt they were not a nice person to pay heed to the unpleasant sensation that goes along with that perspective. It's the sound of the nice you knocking, and she is profoundly persistant.
Lastly, I cannot assist where lying is concerned. I've never been a good liar and gave it up relatively early in life as an insurmountable enterprise. It is easier and far more beneficial to embrace the truth than it is to fight it, both in the long and the short term. In my experience there is exactly as much fantasy in the truth as there is reality, so don't worry yourself overly with fears of being confined to the rigors of veracity. The honest life is no less filled with pain and difficulty, but it tends to leave less blood in it's wake.
Ignoring all that:
Simply be quiet, stay clean, show interest and a touch of weakness, and do not touch the boy as much as possible. Nice boys are often lonely as hell (see above) and are helpless in the face of even the most flimsy seduction.
As per request:
About being friends with exes:
Almost everything I could say about this topic revolve around the definition of its two elements and the relationship between them. What constitutes a friend? What makes an ex? How are the two different? These questions are good places to start, when you're trying to figure out how to tackle the possibility of friendship with an ex.
I've proposed a number of times my four point system of relationships, but never on openmatt. As it is a useful tool in addressing this question, here it is:
communication ---> trust ---> intimacy ---> sex
Communication is your baseline for all human interaction. Focused on one or more people, it can build trust.
Trust is the absolute foundation and lifesblood of every good relationship. Built to a sufficient degree, it allows intimacy.
Intimacy is what separates friends from best friends, or "intimates". It's the final zone of identity one can share, aside from physical identity. Sharing this can often lead to, and make difficult to avoid, sex.
Sex is the ultimate positive communication between people. It is a sharing of oneself with another, temporarily blurring or possibly eliminating the boundaries of each person's identity. This merging can be synergistic, creating a soul for "the Relationship". (possibly more on this later.)
When you break up with someone, you are forced to ratchet backwards through these stages. Sometimes that means you've discovered you're not sexually compatible with someone, and so you return to being intimates with a minimum of discomfort. More often, some discord wrecks the level you are currently at, and forces you to backtrack to the safest possible level.
Often this means a loss of intimacy, trust, and communication. You are strangers to each other - again.
One of the most important key points I have made when talking to people about relationships is this: you cannot have a good relationship with someone if you cannot communicate clearly with them. You cannot have trust without communication, and without trust there is not even a friendship possible, much less a Relationship.
In any breakup, intimacy and trust suffer the most. Striving to re-assert an individual identity after sharing it with someone else (for so long, so deeply, like never before... and so on) is a grueling process. It is compounded by the feelings of abandonment or rejection or failure or cruelty which would normally be mitigated by the other person but now are doubled back on themselves. This process makes it near impossible to trust oneself, less anyone else, much less the absent lover.
So at best there is communication. You talk with the other person as you can. It was in clear communication that the relationship was born, and so it would be with any further relationship, friendly or otherwise. The trick after a breakup is knowing when you are ready to communicate clearly again. When can you be honest and forthright about expressing yourself? When can you have the comfort within yourself to withstand the many insignificant slights that every friendship endures? How can you be honest with yourself or someone else if you are not stable within?
If you can find that equilibrium and integrity in yourself, you stand a good chance of re-acquainting yourself with your ex, or perhaps repairing the friendship you had before it progressed. If you cannot, then face your inability to communicate with clarity and accept that confusing and perhaps even false communication is damaging unto deadly poison for any relationship, especially one so weakened to begin with.
Personally, I have kept in mind the Latin phrase "Primum non nocere" - First, do no harm. Although it may be excruciating, I suggest that when pressed to extremity, bearing pain is superior to delivering it.
This is my view on friendship with exes; do it if you can, avoid it if you cannot.
I'm all out of ideas. I'm now taking submissions. Leave a comment about something and if it's not supremely retarded I'll write about it.
Completely wasted. It's impossible to dodge my goal. Beer upon beer sought me out and connected with exactly the purpose I intended. She and she are together, and there are smiles between them.
Normally, I'd have lonliness or some jagged edge to run myself against. Right now? No such unluck. Seeing their happiness trumps my own search for it.